Interview with a sober alcoholic. HA.

A BIG thank you to Trent who got to live out his Journalist dream for this post. I Love you.

Family/Friends/Acquaintances

How do you socialize with people whose lives still revolve around drinking?
-I wouldn't call it socializing AT ALL. I try to stay away from people who are drinking. Trent drinks a little here and there while at home, but he stays outside for the most part. Basically the further away from alcohol I am, the better. Ive been around drunk PEOPLE once so far and the worst part was the stinky breath. I had a great time just being crazy me but the drunker everyone got, the more distant I got.

Has your sobriety and new outlook effected people around you? If so how?
-I would say yes, both good and bad. Have I been such an awesome inspiration that other people have quit drinking? NO. But alot of people who support me have told me that I am an inspiration and that they are proud of me. As far as it negatively effecting people, I would say my positivity seems to annoy people. Misery loves company and boy was I amazing company for awhile. But that is something that is on THEM. Recovery is one of the most selfish things a person can do and is SUPPOSE TO BE. People need to understand that and GET OVER IT.

How have the people around you reacted to your sobriety?
-Some people don't believe that I can do it, or that the ONLY reason I got sober was because of probation, or doubt that I'm serious about STAYING sober after I get off probation. ALL very wrong. But for the most part everyone is VERY happy for me, and extremely proud. I went from being an absolute trainwreck to actually getting my life together.  And I'm pretty sure the people who got to see me butt-naked running around or got sloppy drunk calls from me are OVER THE MOON excited. (Sorry Teah and Zeke :))

Have your relationships with friends and family gotten better? Have any gotten worse?
-For the most part YES. Ive started talking to alot of my family more than I use to, and have started making plans to go and see them. I always took their love for granted (friends && family) and knew that they would love me no matter what so I didn't think I HAD to be a role model or make any of them proud. Just being me was good enough for me so it HAD to be good enough for them too. I was wrong. Not only do I want and need their love, but also their RESPECT, which I never even cared about before. My relationship with my brother has somehow fallen apart. Before all I wanted was to satisfy him and MAKE him want to love me, I never thought he did. But now I'm trying to learn how to stand my ground and its led to not seeing him as much. He also lost alot of respect from me when he LAUGHED IN MY FACE, when I told him I was going to online AA meetings.

Are there any relationships you wish you could change that were altered by your alcohol use?
-YES. Me and one of my best friends had a terrible falling out. I was drunk and did something dumb and had I not been SO STUBBORN, I could have easily fixed it with an authentic apology. The thing that took me from June 2011 until March 2012 to realize is that just because you did something DRUNK, does not mean that you somehow get a pass. The things you say and do drunk still have repercussions and regardless if you remember them happening, they can still hurt other peoples feelings. Thinking you somehow get a pass has a horrible negative snowball effect that can lead to irreparable damage. To this friend, from the bottom of my heart I am sorry. You taught me a valuable lesson that I needed to learn and God only knows how much I wish I could have figured this out sooner. I love you gurl.


You

Whats the biggest difference you have seen in yourself?
-Ive covered this a million times in just about every post I have done so I will keep it short. I am the happiest I have been in my WHOLE LIFE. I'm healthier than I have ever been. I am positive. I feel blessed. I love like I have never loved. I am thankful. I see life different. The biggest difference I see In myself, IS MYSELF.

Whats the biggest difference OTHERS have seen in you?
-A spark. A twinkle in my eye. A smile.

What have you found that you enjoy now that you didn't before?
-EVERYTHING! I love to go fishing, write, play with my dog, make art, make jewelry, inspire other people to BE INSPIRED!

What are you doing now to better your life without the restriction that alcohol has had on you?
-I'm working out. I'm sleeping better. I'm eating better. I'm being active. Before my ass was in a seat somewhere drinking beer and the next day laying around eating tacos and nursing a hangover.

What makes you think that you can stay sober?
-Hope. Faith. Love. A life worth living.



Sober Life

How do you entertain yourself on the weekends that use to be filled with drinking and parties?
-Alot of activities. Fishing has been a big part of my weekends, its taught me alot of patience. Ive also started doing projects like fixing up my spare room, working on my turtle aquarium, and SHOPPING!

What do you do to unwind after a hard day, instead of drinking?
-I read. I also vent to Trent or blog about it. A little Xbox helps too. Ha Ha

Are there any things that have become more difficult for you?
-Not picking up other habits. Ive started drinking ALOT of Monster Energy drinks in place of beer which has been really bad on my health. Sleeping was really difficult at first and even now with always being on the river or lake I'm having a hard time with cravings! I just have to dive deeper into what I'm doing to try and get it off my mind. I also really miss being around old drinking buddies.

What do you look forward to doing with your new outlook on life?
-EVERYTHING! I want to travel and open a business. I want to go to college. Before I was so negative that the only thing I had to look forward to was drinking. I want to be an inspiration to people. I want to help people.

Whats your support system like?
-AMAZING. I have the most amazing fiance ever that has toughed everything out with me. I have 2 great dads that have helped me with everything from advice to lawyer costs to a new door! They are the best dads EVER. I have a great group of friends that stuck it out with me through the worst of the worst and have been encouraging me everyday! Teah, Jen, Zeke, && Deanna you guys are AWESOME! My cousins have been really awesome too!



This/That/The Other

You're only 3 months sober but you must have an accomplishment in that time that you're proud of?
-I think being 3 months sober is an AMAZING accomplishment in itself! Ive also lost 34 pounds and gained alot of self confidence. I look in the mirror everyday and there is a smile looking back at me and that is VERY new to me. Ive started doing things with my life and am trying to embark on new things!

Have the people you looked up to changed at all? If so, why?
-Oh hell yes! I was idolizing alot of the wrong people who seemed really great at the time but turned out to be real shit heads. My #1 person I look up to will ALWAYS be my mom! Ive also started to look up to the people looking back at me at AA.

Some people say they can get sober without AA, what is your take?
-I say to each their own. I started out going to online AA which was great, but when I started going to F2F meetings I really started seeing how helpful it is. To see the emotions in peoples eyes at how bad they want and need to be sober is just life changing. I struggled alot with online AA because there was always alot of 12 step talk and GOD talk, at the meetings I attend its not like that. I'm struggling with finding my HP still so to feel like I'm hanging around people in a building vs feeling like I'm at church really helps.

What can you tell someone that might help in their recovery?
-Don't let other people get in the way of YOU AND YOUR LIFE. Be selfish. Stay positive. It truly is "One Day at a Time".

What is something you would like to remind yourself of in another 3 months?
-You are a strong girl. You are beautiful inside and out. You have something that nobody else has, you are YOU, and you can do anything you put your heart, soul, and mind to.


 One exhausted mind and many sober thoughts, Rachel

Peeeeektures.

I should have just linked my Facebook to this post. It would have been alot easier to share these pictures than what I just went through. 

SCREW GOOGLE +

ANYWAYS. I figured it would be more fun to post Pictures of what I have been up to than just babbling on and on. Of course I'm going to babble under the pictures anyway so it totally defeats the purpose, but this is my blog, so blah.

This is beef jerky of the homemade variety. We cut up a roast and soaked the pieces

in Worcestershire sauce, steak marinade, and liquid smoke overnight.

It is now in the dehydrator getting nice and delicious for my belly. :)

This is my handsome Fiance Trent drawing me

this awesome picture for my 3 months of being sober!

<3<3<3

This is Twinkers and Tiny Tim chilling on their rocks we got from

Twin Buttes.

We are the worst turtle parents ever. This is the new basking light they got.

We have had Tim for years now and this is the first basking light

we have ever had. Sorry guys :( The aquarium is also new. They had a much smaller

one and after 2 days in this one they already seem much happier!

This is how the better part of Friday was spent. LAZY BOYS!!

While fishing this little guy decided I was his new best friend.

I shall return sometime for a real update, but now its time to enjoy some Jerky!

Pretty pictures and sober thoughts, Rachel

Well hello readers, it has certainly been awhile. It seems we have some catching up to do!

Probation – Is going really well. I’m doing everything that needs to be done, OBVIOUSLY. My P.O. is still as awesome as can be and really glad that I’m doing what needs to be done. I guess I make her job a little easier. J I’m really not excited about my C.S. I have gone once and am going to have to go again this week. BOO. It’s just so boring; you can only clean shoes for so long before you get completely disgusted by feet and peoples carelessness for what they put on them. If I had any ambition to do anything that had to do wish fashion, I think I would be a shoe designer. There are some UGLY ass shoes out there, and the fact that people buy them blows my mind, plus if people are going to walk all over me, I might as well get paid for it. HAR HAR HAR. I start my counseling on the 3^rd, which I don’t know if I’m excited about yet. Granted I’m a hot fucking mess and could use some direction, but I don’t know if I'm ready to babble on about what’s wrong with me. Other than that I have a few classes to attend. One is in July and the other one hasn’t been set up yet, due to the fact that every time I call the biatches ignore my call. HELLO MORONS, I’m an alcoholic not an IDIOT. I know what’s up, HOES. That statement can go on the record, FYI.

Sobriety – I'm almost at 3 months sober. WOO HOO. Trent’s mom got married on the 13^th and it was the first time I had to deal with drunken people. IT WAS HORRIBLE. Everyone thought I was being a baby about getting scolded for playing Pantera – Walk on the jukebox, but really I couldn’t take the bad breath and foolishness. Trent’s brother tried relentlessly to fight some old guy because “he stole his lighter”. It wasn’t his lighter at all. IDIOT. I had fun up until the end, but shit, for being my first time around alcohol I really didn’t want to drag it out so damn long. Me and Trent’s niece went and hid in the truck from everyone and talked and listened to music. I loved our time together. I have known her since she was little (she now towers over me by a few inches, she’s 13) and I'm so glad I'm still in her life and that she finally lives here. I did have a lot of fun being sober I just wish it was easier being around people who are drinking. A part of me wishes I could have drank right along with them. Some of that wishing was squashed however when Trent got shit-faced angry at me on the way home and then acted a damn fool once we got there. Not to mention how NOT cute he was bent over the toilet barfing his brains out.

I guess all in all things are going good though. I'm still seeing everything in a different light. We have started getting out A LOT more than we use to and it’s really great.  We have been doing a lot of fishing and by we, I do mean ME. Trent isn’t as great of a fisher as he thinks and I'm on a streak of whopping his butt. More than who gets what, I'm really just enjoying spending time with him and enjoying everything I have been blessed with. I was so use to doing everything with a beer in my hand that I didn’t get to fully enjoy ANYTHING, so I'm still very much getting use to this new lifestyle.

Asshats - I am such a dweller. I don’t know how to not be a dweller but that’s just me. And on top of being a dweller I'm a pissed off and resentful one. I really wish I was an asshole and could name names or even call people out, but this trying to be a better person shit is really putting a damper on the bitch that still resides deep within. I want to say I'm defeated, but I'm not going to give that power to a motherfucking soul. I, Rachel, am content with who I am in this moment and although it hasn’t always been that way, I’ve never been one to call people out on every aching flaw that they have. I never felt like I was better than anybody and I didn’t AND don’t put them down to somehow ease my own “self-hatred”.  I'm about to start making some more changes that I'm not sure I'm ready for but that I think I need. I REFUSE to surround myself with negative assholes that can’t see past their petty fucking problems to see that OTHER people have shit going on too. I know that not everyone has their shit together; including myself, but something’s GOT to give. I try and motivate people, not bring them down. I try to pass on a smile in hopes that it’s passed on, not pass it on so you can shit on it and put me in a bitter mood. I have worked so god damn hard the last 3 months and I don’t expect a parade or even acknowledgement, what would be nice is that if you could see that if a trainwreck like ME could do it, so can you. GET OFF YOUR PITTY POTTY. You are dragging the people around you down. Instead of calling people out and giving them back handed compliments, why don’t you start off with a fucking compliment, even if it’s fake. Try making someone’s day better instead of worrying about yourself so much. Maybe your karma fucking sucks. THAT’S ON YOU. Bringing everyone else down isn’t going to do a damn thing to make anything better. It’s funny how you complain about nobody being there for you and you list reasons that you came up with as to why. Did you ever once think about the fact that maybe it’s YOU that’s the problem? You can’t run everyone off and then blame everyone but yourself, TRUST ME; I’ve done it my whole life.

OI that felt good. Maybe I could use some counseling after all. Ha ha

Random - I’ve decided if I was ever a serial killer, I would want to be the “Baby-faced Killah”, simply based on the fact that somehow at 25 I have the same face I had when I was 4.

With the weight that I’ve lost and the lack of pants that fit, I am now a shopaholic.

I'm also addicted to Monster Energy drinks.

I have fallen in love with Kid Cudi. ‘Cudderisback’ and ‘Cleveland is the Reason’ are my new “jams”.

I DID quit smoking, but as I look back that seemed more like a short term goal rather than long. ONE DAY it will happen.

I’ve really been thinking about going to college but don’t know what I would go for. I'm thinking marketing, Trent thinks business. If I do it, I’ll probably wait till after probation that way I'm not financially stressing us (more than I have already J).

I don’t know if I will ever get use to the fact that everything I own will forever be covered in cat and dog hair.

My friend Manny thinks me saying *“suitcase, shoelace” after he says “I ain’t tripping” is some kind of Texas thing. Dear Chiddy, I love you. Love Rachel.

I'm going to eat a cheeseburger this weekend. I haven’t had one in months.

That is all for my update. I’ll probably have a new post sometime in the next few days. I just need to get my serious thoughts together.

Catchy tunes and sober thoughts, Rachel

*Chiddy Bang- ‘Too much Soul’

My 'bye bye 30lbs' present to myself! I saw a guy wearing this shirt when we were in Midland,
 and with B.O.B's song 'Beast Mode' being one of my favorite workout songs, I just HAD to have it :)
It is also a reminder that working out once a week is a cop out and to keep my ass at it till it falls off!

DANG IT

I'm really frustrated with my last post. I had really hated the post from last week but when I went back and read it, I FELT IT. And it felt great. Like for the first time I had really let it out. And I wanted to share it! Apparently your post can only be so long before they suck whatever random part of it out that they wish. MY GEARS HAVE BEEN GRINDED. Either way, it did feel really good to go back and read what I wrote when I was so damn angry and realize that I WAS RIGHT to feel the way that I did. I have spent so much of my life second guessing everything I do or say that the whole reason I didn't post it to begin with, is because I thought it was wrong to feel the way that I did and that I was going to be judged for MY feelings. They are mine to feel, not anyone Else's. Just one of the many things I need to add to my list of thousands to remember.

The post talked about self centered people and my frustrations with at least 2 certain ones. One of which couldn't care less that I'm sober, and the other one pretty much the same base, but an overall bitch in general. Both of these people I consider friends, or did. And now both Ive convinced myself that I'm no longer going to take anything they have to say seriously. They are using me for some kind of emotional crutch and I am in no condition to hold anyone up, when I myself am limping. I have gone through periods of not talking to these assholes and had convinced myself that they could change. RACHEL, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU KIDDING. People don't just go around changing when they are used to getting everything they want through manipulative mind games. Until last week I was still being tossed around like a God Damn marionette and I feel like a fucking fool. I'm at a crossroad with just one. The other can forget who I am, and Ill do the same. But at 25 I am still stumped on how to handle a bully. Who do you tell when there isn't anyone to reprimand such childish behavior when being exhibited by an adult OLDER than myself? Nobody... As an adult you work the shit out. Obviously that's not an option. So here is what I'm going to do. Nothing. I'm going to vent and forgot about it, and hope to hell that the bitch has a midlife crisis. Until then.....

Dear Asshole.

You are fucking grown, do you mind acting like it. I know that you have gotten by your whole life by playing everyone like chess pieces, but its time to grow up and give the kids back their games.

Love, Rachel


This post didn't feel as great as the "lost one", but it will do since nothing else will.

Make-up anger and sober thoughts, Rachel

HEY THERE, ITS ME RACHEL!!!

Well I haven't forgotten about my blog. I had started a post last week and got frustrated with it and just turned off my laptop. I don't want to be a negative person but Lord knows my little heart can only take so much. I'm going to leave it at the bottom of this post though. After all these are MY sober thoughts. Anyhow. Things are going great. I had the worst Monday ever yesterday and ended it with a gallon full of tears. Everything seemed to put me over the top, and the EVERYTHING was the littlest shit ever, but that's Monday for you. Easter was different this year. Usually, and this is the real deal, I would have had an Easter beer hunt. I would start drinking Saturday all the way until Sunday afternoon then decorate beers in construction paper. Trent would hide them, I would find them, drink them, then pass out. Ha ha. I don't know how this became a tradition but I'm pretty glad its over. We kind of just sat around being lazy, ate some BBQ, cleaned a little. Nothing too fancy for sure.

 Ive been to 2 F2F AA meetings. I like the group I'm going to. They seem pretty real and down to earth which I REALLY appreciate. I also got called in for my first random UA today, which sucked because I haven't really fully recovered from showing my P.O. my vagina the first time. It was whatever, I don't have a choice in the matter, but its nice knowing shes an older lady and has seen many a beaver and wont remember mine from the next. I'm doing my community service at Salvation Army. It pretty much sucks, but like I told the worker who set me up with it, Its not like its a permanent job, 40 hours and I never have to look back. I think the best part is that I get to wear my headphones and listen to good music vs, the radio shit they play all damn day. I get enough of that lame shit at work. FAAACCKKKKK.

I started back playing Call of Duty, its so weird playing and not being shit-faced, it was my favorite thing to do. I don't know why this is relevant to ANYTHING, but whatever on that too. Ha ha.

Lets see here.....I'm 2 pounds from my 30lb loss. I should have hit it by now but I messed up way bad when I was killing myself to hit it by our Midland trip. I had to take a break and figure out where the hell my head was. I'm going to start working out 3 days a week and eating how Ive been. That 7 days a week thing is for crazy people. I'm still excited with my progress so far. This evening I pulled out all my old pants I had put up and away, tried them on, then put them suckers on hangers so I can actually wear them, BECAUSE I CAN NOW :). Its funny because for so long I hated what I saw in the mirror. I would convince myself otherwise, but deep down I knew I was faking it. I got to the point where I would just avoid mirrors. And its not that it was just the outside, it was the inside too. I can proudly say that I LOVE MYSELF now. I looked in the mirror today and just smiled. Tears almost came out, I'm so happy with who I am, and who I'm becoming. I'm doing SOMETHING. And that's something I haven't done in a long time. Before I would get on this healthy kick and it would go down the drain once we had a 3 day weekend and I would binge drink. I didn't really WANT to change for me, I wanted to change because everyone else was and I needed to keep up, or because I was just bored. I NEED and WANT this for MYSELF and for no other reason.

I'm just fucking ecstatic. That's all I can really say about anything right now. Right now is where I need to be and where I can look back and say, DAMN GIRL, you did the fucking thing.

That's all for tonight's post, there isn't much else to say :) .


Well I had meant to post the lost post from last week but this thing had a different idea, I guess the following sums it up >>> Ive realized since then that I cant deal with everyone Else's bullshit. Fuck em, yeah know. This life is about ME, not everyone else. I was thinking about getting my FUCK U tattoo in my lip covered up, and I decided FUCK NO. Ha ha. I'm going to stay true to me and the attitude that has gotten me as far as it has. As a sort of reminder that I don't HAVE to deal with any other bullshit than what gets Rachel to tomorrow.

Anyhow, THAT my friends is the official end of this post. Love you all who care enough to read my blog and show me love && even the Haters <3

Happy faces and sober thoughts, Rachel

Sunday is bittersweet.

MAN OH MAN, WHERE TO START??

PROBATION

I met my P.O. on Thursday. She is as awesome as I thought she would be, hopefully they don't switch her up on me for some assclown with an attitude problem. I told her that me and Trent had gotten sober and that she had nothing to worry about, she seemed pleased to hear that, especially since she dug up Trent's records and reminded me about his revokes. She also insisted that she didn't want to watch me pee just as much as I didn't want her watching me. Ha Ha, good to know! I get to go wherever in Texas I want without having to get permission unless its for like a week or more, in which I just have to let her know. In order to leave the state I need to be in good standing and have permission, which is GREAT news. Other than that I have alot of classes to do and alot of tubes to blow. I go on Tuesday to set up my community service and also start my AA meetings this week. I'm so excited that I'm finally on my way to getting this done with, its almost been a year since my actual DWI. March 20th 2013, I cant wait to see you!


SOBRIETY

I passed my 2 months a few days ago and it hardly seems like its been that long! ( Me and Trent celebrated with some Doritos Loco tacos!) Its not nearly as much as a struggle as it was at first but its still taking ALOT to get use to. I really want a beer. Right now seems good, but I KNOW that not only can I not drink because of probation, but also because there is no such thing as 1 beer for me. Its a case at least. The summer coming up is freaking me out and depressing me at the same time. To chill out in the sun drinking a cold beer while bbqing and shooting the breeze with friends is as perfect as it gets, and something I sure as hell wont get to do. I feel like sometimes I may make to much out of things, and then I remind myself that I drank ALOT more than I would have ever admitted to and that a change was NEEDED more than even I knew. I wish people around me could see that, understand it, and respect it. But apparently as much as I've stressed to people that probation may require me to be sober it wasn't my deciding factor, I MADE THAT DECISION, beforehand. I'm BEYOND sick and tired of people telling me how to get away with drinking on probation, how to still drink at bars, and avoid breathalyzer tests. It is so fucking disrespectful to me. I'm not on normal probation, I got offered a deal that not many people get. If anyone with a fat mouth trying to discourage me from getting my shit done would actually LISTEN to me, they would have known that. I will not fuck it up for ANYTHING. Especially a "friend" peer pressuring me to have a mix drink at dinner. ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS? Do you want me to fail? Someone actually told me that when I'm off probation that I need to practice just having a few drinks and then calling it a night, because "eventually it gets easier"..... Ive been a black out drunk for over 10 years and I'm only 25, what in the fuck makes anyone think that magically I'm going to turn into a social drinker, especially after not drinking for a year? I DO NOT EVER WANT TO DRINK AGAIN. YA HEARD??!?!?! I don't want to test out the waters knowing that I could go back to the Trainwreck that I was. UGH. I'm really frustrated if you cant tell. I'm giving people once more chance to get their heads out of their asses and then they are going to find out how calm like a bomb I really am.

A few things that have helped post-sobriety.

• Falling asleep - Reading really helps, and on the nights it seems to not help as much as I'd like some Alka-Seltzer pm is pretty boss.
• Cravings - Doing something to take the mind off of drinking is key. Painting, drawing, writing, walking. Anything that can be done spur of the moment and really get the mind and body into it!
• Friends/Family drinking - Due to the fact that everyone is really supportive I haven't had to cross this bridge, THAT in itself has helped more than anything. Just talking to them and letting them know that this means alot to me has deterred them from doing it in my presence. I know it may not be this way forever, so hopefully when I have a tip to deal with it when it does happen I will share what I learn.
• Support - Its really great to have support, but not everyone is going to be there for you. You have to know when a relationship is going to be toxic to your sobriety. If you have friends that make jokes at your expense or voice doubts that you cant do it, you may not want to have that person around. Stay friends with people like this if you cant stand to cut them out of your life ( Talk to them FOR SURE, maybe they don't know how serious you are) but limit what you do with them. Try not to do things with them where they will be drinking.
• Knowledgehttp://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov/collegestudents/anatomy/body_nonflash.aspx

THIS WEEKEND

We went and saw my dad and step-step mom this weekend. (I'm pretty sure since shes my step dads wife shed be my double step parent, somehow. Makes since to me so whatevs.) Anyways, it was pretty fun. Not at all what I expected, in both a good and bad way. We mainly went to Midland to get out of San Angelo, do some shopping, spend some time together and then meet my dad for lunch somewhere but they had different plans. They took us to lunch then drove us around to where we were originally going to go. It was super nice of them to pay for as much stuff as they did, but next time I definitely need to let them know in DETAIL our plans ahead of time. It wasn't so bad though, because after all I did get to spend the DAY with my dad instead of an hour or so. Trent got his damn golf clubs finally and some other shizz and I got a golf hat and a DC shirt. We had money to spend and really S.H.O.P but somehow we manged to less than $150, guess that's a win for our bank account.

FROM LARD TO HARD

I was really killing myself to try and hit my 30lb mark or under by Saturday and I ended up screwing myself over. I was working out and burning 500-700 calories a day and only eating 900-1100 TOTAL. My body pretty much went into starvation mode after a week of this crap and it held onto whatever I put in it. I'm going to try this week to balance everything out better so I can lose that 9 pounds the healthy way. However I can notice the difference in my lower body that the 3 miles a day is doing for it. I even bought an actual pair of shorts today that I'm going to bravely wear in public! I'm going to put Mederma on my scars and then use a tanning lotion to try and hopefully feel less self-conscious about my legs but I'm pretty excited altogether.

5 of my favorite songs to work out to.

• Travis Porter - Bananas
• B.O.B. - Beastmode
• Kid Cudi - Soundtrack to my Life
• XV - Awesome
• Chiddy Bang - I Cant Stop Freestyle

 That pretty much wraps up the last week and everything new going on. Ill be sure to update this week with how AA goes and what Ill be doing for Community Service. Until then...

Encouraging words and sober thoughts, Rachel.