Well it has been over 2 months since my last post. Life has been wild to say the least and getting things in order has taken priority! Here is a quick update on how everything has been going!
Probation- Ive finished all my DWI classes, counseling, and community service. All that I have left is my monthly fee and a few AA meetings. After I have finished my mandatory meetings I'm still going to continue going. I love the group I go to and have grown alot closer to my HP and have figured out more about myself than I could have ever done on my own!
Work (or lack there of)- I don't work at the store I was working for anymore. I started making artsy type stuff to try and sell, but that wasn't as awesome as I pictured it going. I'm going to continue doing stuff like it, but not so much for selling right away. I wanna get alot of stuff done and try to attend a trade days like event and sell there. Ive turned in my FAFSA to see about getting money for school and until I figure all that out I'm putting in applications with a few places to look into working somewhere awesome. PREFERABLY Michael's so I can get a discount on art supplies :)
Health - Ive lost about 57 pounds so far. I have 15 till I hit my goal. Which freaks me out because 72 pounds is ALOT! Man I was a fatty! There isn't really anything I can do about the past but try and prevent it from turning into my future, so I'm not too worried about it.
Life in general- My relationships with my friends have been going really well. And I've been hanging out with my brother alot which has been really awesome. Me and Trent have hit a few walls. He wasn't drinking at first and now he is, sometimes alot and its been really hard to deal with. I have so many feelings about it that I'm pretty sure its going to end up in its own post, but its part of the last 2 months, so touching on it wont hurt. I decided with alot of advice from a few people that I was going to let him be and do what he wants and find my own things to do while he is drinking. I cant sit around and watch him drink and get fucked up and it not effect my sobriety- so taking myself out of the situation at least, seemed necessary. Its been 2 weeks since it was decided and things already seem to be looking up. They may not stay that way, but I'm accepting of that. I cant control anybody else and I need not forget it. I love Trent but my sobriety is the MOST important thing to me right now, and needs to be that way until I'm strong enough to deal with bullshit on my own.
I guess that will be on for now. Ill try and be back and not take so long between posts, but no promises!
Love my supporters and praying for haters--
thankful, blessed, and sober -Rachel
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Thursday, May 31, 2012
OH MYZZZ
Its been 431 days since I've last blogged, maybe a day or 2 less, but I think I'm pretty damn close.
MY CURRENT SITCHY-ATION:::
Dun Dun Dun
I no longer work, or so I'm going to assume I don't since the only word Ive heard is less than BIRD. No sweat off my metaphorical balls. There are big things out there for me and I'M GOING TO FIND THEM, WITH A FREAKING CAPS LOCK ATTITUDE, because it is bigger and better than the alternative.
I am 4 months sober as of yesterday, I think, and I still feel AMAZE BALLS. My last counseling session (per probation) is next Wednesday and I'm super sad. I'm hoping I can talk them into a few more sessions just so I get an extra boost of help.
GUESS WHAT. The 4th is around the corner....(TRENT'S GOING TO BE AN OLD MAN) More importantly Its going to be a whole year since my DWI. OI. I wish I could find the State Trooper who pulled me over and thank him for saving my life. I was headed to a bad place and although it STILL took me months afterwards to make the change that I have, I would have never done it without having to face such drastic consequences. I also would have never went to DWI class and met Sergio. Sergio is..... I don't even know how to put it. He was coming home from work one night and was drinking and swerved into an 18 wheeler. Dear God the boy is lucky to be alive. One of his arms is mangled and the side of his face including his ear not being there, is really messed up (for lack of better words). He hadn't had that much to drink, but had he not had a drink at all, he wouldn't have to have surgery after surgery to put his body back together. Sergio is an awesome guy and I really wish I had gotten his email address or something so I could keep in touch, but JUST MEETING him is enough to keep me on the right track. Sergio will probably continue to drink because he probably isn't an alcoholic but I'm sure he learned his lesson about drinking and driving. I just wish he didn't have to look in the mirror and see the lesson everyday on his face. I'M LUCKY, I'm lucky that I didn't have to learn the way he did. I'm lucky that out of the million times I drank and drove I didn't get hurt or hurt anyone else. I'm lucky I got caught before any of the above could ever happen. Anyways, Happy almost life changing day to meeee. And God Bless the Sergio's out there, especially the one who helped me out :)
Community Service has gotten less BOASHJDHFIPSDHBPIF these last few times. I stopped thinking about it as something I HAD to do, and just started to pretend like I work there. Its quite depressing when I don't get paid the next week but its keeping me motivated until I'm finished. I actually wish they were hiring because I LOVE the idea of working somewhere where I'm involved in HELPING someone. As much as people piss me off, I do sometimes like them, and almost always don't like them suffering.
We got new couches. And due to going through 2 or 3 a year we also got Bacon (my meow meow) declawed, so she has no part in ruining them.
Trent now is the proud owner of running shoes and workout clothes. He also has yet to use them.
This was more random than I meant for it to be, my bad, my next post will be more structured, actually it probably wont be. But its going to be alright.
Bittersweet birthdays and sober thoughts, Rachel
p.s. WTF IS UP WITH ALL THIS ZOMBIE CANNIBALISM SHIT THAT'S GOING ON. ZOMG.
MY CURRENT SITCHY-ATION:::
Dun Dun Dun
I no longer work, or so I'm going to assume I don't since the only word Ive heard is less than BIRD. No sweat off my metaphorical balls. There are big things out there for me and I'M GOING TO FIND THEM, WITH A FREAKING CAPS LOCK ATTITUDE, because it is bigger and better than the alternative.
I am 4 months sober as of yesterday, I think, and I still feel AMAZE BALLS. My last counseling session (per probation) is next Wednesday and I'm super sad. I'm hoping I can talk them into a few more sessions just so I get an extra boost of help.
GUESS WHAT. The 4th is around the corner....(TRENT'S GOING TO BE AN OLD MAN) More importantly Its going to be a whole year since my DWI. OI. I wish I could find the State Trooper who pulled me over and thank him for saving my life. I was headed to a bad place and although it STILL took me months afterwards to make the change that I have, I would have never done it without having to face such drastic consequences. I also would have never went to DWI class and met Sergio. Sergio is..... I don't even know how to put it. He was coming home from work one night and was drinking and swerved into an 18 wheeler. Dear God the boy is lucky to be alive. One of his arms is mangled and the side of his face including his ear not being there, is really messed up (for lack of better words). He hadn't had that much to drink, but had he not had a drink at all, he wouldn't have to have surgery after surgery to put his body back together. Sergio is an awesome guy and I really wish I had gotten his email address or something so I could keep in touch, but JUST MEETING him is enough to keep me on the right track. Sergio will probably continue to drink because he probably isn't an alcoholic but I'm sure he learned his lesson about drinking and driving. I just wish he didn't have to look in the mirror and see the lesson everyday on his face. I'M LUCKY, I'm lucky that I didn't have to learn the way he did. I'm lucky that out of the million times I drank and drove I didn't get hurt or hurt anyone else. I'm lucky I got caught before any of the above could ever happen. Anyways, Happy almost life changing day to meeee. And God Bless the Sergio's out there, especially the one who helped me out :)
Community Service has gotten less BOASHJDHFIPSDHBPIF these last few times. I stopped thinking about it as something I HAD to do, and just started to pretend like I work there. Its quite depressing when I don't get paid the next week but its keeping me motivated until I'm finished. I actually wish they were hiring because I LOVE the idea of working somewhere where I'm involved in HELPING someone. As much as people piss me off, I do sometimes like them, and almost always don't like them suffering.
We got new couches. And due to going through 2 or 3 a year we also got Bacon (my meow meow) declawed, so she has no part in ruining them.
Trent now is the proud owner of running shoes and workout clothes. He also has yet to use them.
This was more random than I meant for it to be, my bad, my next post will be more structured, actually it probably wont be. But its going to be alright.
Bittersweet birthdays and sober thoughts, Rachel
p.s. WTF IS UP WITH ALL THIS ZOMBIE CANNIBALISM SHIT THAT'S GOING ON. ZOMG.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Insert something witty here....
Well today is Saturday...well technically Sunday now. It was an awesome day. Trent and I went shopping for Mother's day stuff for his mom and grocery shopping, then made and eated some delicious dinner. Doesn't sound to spectacular on paper (or screen) but just spending the whole day with him uninterrupted and laughing like crazy was by my definition; awesome. We are just hanging out in the living room playing our own games now so I figured why not do a quick posty post. That's my new motto by the way. WHY NOT, instead of WHY. Want to go for a walk? WHY NOT. Want to color pictures of rainbows and unicorns? WHY NOT. Ha ha. Anyhow. Back to my update. Everything is going good. It will go alot better after this next week is over for sure. I finally got ahold of the people for the DWI class... yeah I know, it took a gazillion years. The horrifying news is that its Monday, Thursday, and Friday from 6-10pm. UGHHH. Trent works 6am-8pm just about every weekday and until after 12 on Saturdays, so this is just horse shit. I will get to see him a total of 1 & 1/2 flipping days this coming week. Did I mention UGGGHHHHHHHH. I'm glad to be getting it over with though, especially since it took them over a month to get back to me. By July 13th the only thing I will have to do as far as my probation goes is pay 'em && STAY SOBER, which has so far been pretty easy. OH and pee pee in a cup and blow tubes. :)
I go to my next counseling session this Thursday and I'm actually pretty excited. May is a really depressing month for me with Mothers day being tomorrow and my moms birthday being the 25th. I never really dealt with her death. I pretty much just drank myself to the point of tears and passing out (aka numb) whenever I thought about her or such occasions like today would roll around. In fact its the way Ive dealt with every other grievance in my life. It would be nice to have some kind of direction or advice of some sorts with managing it better. I'm pretty sure bursting into tears in Hobby Lobby is on some kind of No-No list. I really wish I could figure out a way to celebrate things like this to include her, if that doesn't sound too crazy. Ive tried to have family over and it just went terribly bad. I don't know, Ill figure it out soon enough. I don't want to overload my poor little brain and burn out what good brain cells I have left on dealing with the 'tomorrows'. I'm thinking about her and God only knows how much I fucking love her so that's all that really matters.
Onto things that don't make water fall out of my face, Ive started a new mission. I'm trying to declutter and organize my house. This shall include getting rid of clothes that are now too big for me. Its hard. I'm not so much a pack rat, as into restoration, so an old t-shirt to me is just a pillow waiting to be constructed. Same with knick knacks. Mog Podge turns ugly shit into a clump of cool shit on a picture frame in like 24 hours. So far Ive gotten 2 small storage containers. They are still sitting on the living room floor but in the next week they will contain makeup and nail polish. Its just like me to start with something that ISN'T an eyesore. Screw the stink bait, mog podge, action-packed attack dinosaur, perfume, sandwich bags, Windex wipes, Xbox adapter box, etc....that's stacked up on my kitchen island. Ha ha. I already know this is going to be exhausting as hell but it NEEDS to get done. No matter how much I clean it ends up a disaster in 2 hours because absolutely nothing has its own place anymore. We have a drawer designated for silverware, every other drawer in our house is a junk drawer. NO JOKE.
This post is a hot mess. Never again will I post with a migraine at 3am.
Jumbled brain farts and sober thoughts, Rachel
I go to my next counseling session this Thursday and I'm actually pretty excited. May is a really depressing month for me with Mothers day being tomorrow and my moms birthday being the 25th. I never really dealt with her death. I pretty much just drank myself to the point of tears and passing out (aka numb) whenever I thought about her or such occasions like today would roll around. In fact its the way Ive dealt with every other grievance in my life. It would be nice to have some kind of direction or advice of some sorts with managing it better. I'm pretty sure bursting into tears in Hobby Lobby is on some kind of No-No list. I really wish I could figure out a way to celebrate things like this to include her, if that doesn't sound too crazy. Ive tried to have family over and it just went terribly bad. I don't know, Ill figure it out soon enough. I don't want to overload my poor little brain and burn out what good brain cells I have left on dealing with the 'tomorrows'. I'm thinking about her and God only knows how much I fucking love her so that's all that really matters.
Onto things that don't make water fall out of my face, Ive started a new mission. I'm trying to declutter and organize my house. This shall include getting rid of clothes that are now too big for me. Its hard. I'm not so much a pack rat, as into restoration, so an old t-shirt to me is just a pillow waiting to be constructed. Same with knick knacks. Mog Podge turns ugly shit into a clump of cool shit on a picture frame in like 24 hours. So far Ive gotten 2 small storage containers. They are still sitting on the living room floor but in the next week they will contain makeup and nail polish. Its just like me to start with something that ISN'T an eyesore. Screw the stink bait, mog podge, action-packed attack dinosaur, perfume, sandwich bags, Windex wipes, Xbox adapter box, etc....that's stacked up on my kitchen island. Ha ha. I already know this is going to be exhausting as hell but it NEEDS to get done. No matter how much I clean it ends up a disaster in 2 hours because absolutely nothing has its own place anymore. We have a drawer designated for silverware, every other drawer in our house is a junk drawer. NO JOKE.
This post is a hot mess. Never again will I post with a migraine at 3am.
Jumbled brain farts and sober thoughts, Rachel
Friday, May 4, 2012
hey girl hey.
Hey readers! How are y'all doing?
For me this week has been a BLAH one. I kind of got laid off, hopefully its temporary because I really don't want to find a new job. It really sucks but was kind of predictable with things being slow, it happens though and I completely understand. I think more than anything my pride was hurt because although Trent can take care of all my fees and shit for me I really wanted to do it MYSELF. Ive never really had anything I HAD to pay for or even wanted to pay for myself but I really wanted to take care of this. Big fat RAWRFACE for real. Normally after such a crappy situation like this I would have drank myself to sleep and boy did I want to, despite the consequences, but I took it better than I thought I would. I also would have stressed myself to no end but without the anxiety drinking caused, I'm realizing that sweating the small stuff is a waste of time.
GOOD GIRL, you're living and learning!
I had my first 2 hour counseling session on Thursday and much to my surprise I actually enjoyed it. I thought it would be hard opening up to a stranger but it felt really good. The part that was hard to swallow was talking about my childhood and everything I endured and hearing that she was surprised I was alive after everything I had been through. WOW. I know Ive had a rough life but I didn't think it was too extreme. I guess when you go through and talk about ALL the bad shit vs. "this one time", it all comes out like a fucked up Lifetime movie. I'm pretty glad I'm still here, alive and kicking. I kinda fibbed about how often I drank but the amount I could down (at least a 20 pack every time I drank and over a 30 pack on a "good" night) surprised the hell out of her. Apparently when you're drinking fast and A LOT your liver kind of shuts down and doesn't even process it anymore, just spits it right back out. I'm really looking forward to going back and if I do (have to) find a good job that pays good, I'm actually considering going to a counselor for awhile. Talking to someone and figuring out how to deal with everything I struggle with internally might really help me stay sober in the long run (plus my wonderful AA group). She's pretty understanding for an older broad but I guess being a former addict herself helps her relate more than some snobby old church hen.
Other than everything that's been going on Ive been feeling kind of BLAH. Ive been staying up late and sleeping in and I don't know whats going on. I have pretty much NO ENERGY and overall feel like I'm a funk. I think maybe trying to cut back on caffeine is doing it to me and I don't like that AT ALL. I LOVE my Monsters <3 The thing that sucks the most is that Ive been slacking off on working out and I'm so disappointed in myself. I couldn't take it anymore today and FORCED myself to and I'm glad I did. Now to continue on and stop letting MYSELF get me down. Ive still been keeping up with eating good and I'm 2 or 3lbs (I think) from losing a huge 40LBS!!! I'm really starting to feel great about myself and I'm loving it! I walked to the store today (for a Monster :P) and my body kept trying to jog, ha ha, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY WOMAN!! If I can get my ass to bed early and out of bed early sometime soon I'm going to give my body what it wants, but this 100 degree shit in April can kind of suck it. I'm not about having a damn heat stroke.
Th-Th-Th-That's all for this post folks, until next time...
Rawr faces and Sober thoughts, Rachel
For me this week has been a BLAH one. I kind of got laid off, hopefully its temporary because I really don't want to find a new job. It really sucks but was kind of predictable with things being slow, it happens though and I completely understand. I think more than anything my pride was hurt because although Trent can take care of all my fees and shit for me I really wanted to do it MYSELF. Ive never really had anything I HAD to pay for or even wanted to pay for myself but I really wanted to take care of this. Big fat RAWRFACE for real. Normally after such a crappy situation like this I would have drank myself to sleep and boy did I want to, despite the consequences, but I took it better than I thought I would. I also would have stressed myself to no end but without the anxiety drinking caused, I'm realizing that sweating the small stuff is a waste of time.
GOOD GIRL, you're living and learning!
I had my first 2 hour counseling session on Thursday and much to my surprise I actually enjoyed it. I thought it would be hard opening up to a stranger but it felt really good. The part that was hard to swallow was talking about my childhood and everything I endured and hearing that she was surprised I was alive after everything I had been through. WOW. I know Ive had a rough life but I didn't think it was too extreme. I guess when you go through and talk about ALL the bad shit vs. "this one time", it all comes out like a fucked up Lifetime movie. I'm pretty glad I'm still here, alive and kicking. I kinda fibbed about how often I drank but the amount I could down (at least a 20 pack every time I drank and over a 30 pack on a "good" night) surprised the hell out of her. Apparently when you're drinking fast and A LOT your liver kind of shuts down and doesn't even process it anymore, just spits it right back out. I'm really looking forward to going back and if I do (have to) find a good job that pays good, I'm actually considering going to a counselor for awhile. Talking to someone and figuring out how to deal with everything I struggle with internally might really help me stay sober in the long run (plus my wonderful AA group). She's pretty understanding for an older broad but I guess being a former addict herself helps her relate more than some snobby old church hen.
Other than everything that's been going on Ive been feeling kind of BLAH. Ive been staying up late and sleeping in and I don't know whats going on. I have pretty much NO ENERGY and overall feel like I'm a funk. I think maybe trying to cut back on caffeine is doing it to me and I don't like that AT ALL. I LOVE my Monsters <3 The thing that sucks the most is that Ive been slacking off on working out and I'm so disappointed in myself. I couldn't take it anymore today and FORCED myself to and I'm glad I did. Now to continue on and stop letting MYSELF get me down. Ive still been keeping up with eating good and I'm 2 or 3lbs (I think) from losing a huge 40LBS!!! I'm really starting to feel great about myself and I'm loving it! I walked to the store today (for a Monster :P) and my body kept trying to jog, ha ha, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY WOMAN!! If I can get my ass to bed early and out of bed early sometime soon I'm going to give my body what it wants, but this 100 degree shit in April can kind of suck it. I'm not about having a damn heat stroke.
Th-Th-Th-That's all for this post folks, until next time...
Rawr faces and Sober thoughts, Rachel
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Cmon man.
Well I posted my blog on the Sober Bloggers directory. YAY, I hope my blog gets stumbled upon and is somewhat helpful to people who need a bit of encouragement. It seems alot of the blogs listed haven't been attended to in a very long time, or didn't even last more than a few posts. I would really love to find a few great blogs that I can relate to. I love reading, about sobriety especially, and to me a great blog would be like an awesome book that updates its chapters often (enough) and the characters are ones you can REALLY get to know. Sometimes with my bloggy blog I feel like I should stop going off topic and stick to sobriety alone, but I really think that being sober has changed everything about my life, that without going off topic you really wouldn't be able to see how great the grass on the other side can be! This IS my blog and it is about my life, so why not.
My jerky turned out so awesome that Ive decided to start making it and selling it. I only work a few days a week so hopefully this brings in a little income and gives me something else to do to really dive into and keep busy. I also decided that I'm going to talk to one of the people at my AA meeting and see if its OK that I give them part of my profits. I don't think they would say no, who turns down perfectly good money?
I decided this weekend that I wanted to open a bait store in my garage.... my imagination seems to run as wild as it can. I think we are going to skip the store idea and just keep a couple dozen minnows for us and our friends who go fishing. We talked about opening a legit store downtown though, but not until we see how much it will cost and what we would need to do in order to do it RIGHT.
I really want to open up my own art store as well one day and I thought it would be awesome if the stores were side by side and the name of it would be called.....DRUM ROLL PLEASE.....Beauty and the Bait. HAHA. :) Trent is great at pooping on some of my great ideas but he actually got a kick out of this one.
Well Ive been messing around with this blog and trying to get it out there to the people who would actually find it half ass helpful ALL DAY. So I'm going to go ahead and give my mind and hands a rest.
Sleep well all.
Wild and crazy sober thoughts, Rachel
My jerky turned out so awesome that Ive decided to start making it and selling it. I only work a few days a week so hopefully this brings in a little income and gives me something else to do to really dive into and keep busy. I also decided that I'm going to talk to one of the people at my AA meeting and see if its OK that I give them part of my profits. I don't think they would say no, who turns down perfectly good money?
I decided this weekend that I wanted to open a bait store in my garage.... my imagination seems to run as wild as it can. I think we are going to skip the store idea and just keep a couple dozen minnows for us and our friends who go fishing. We talked about opening a legit store downtown though, but not until we see how much it will cost and what we would need to do in order to do it RIGHT.
I really want to open up my own art store as well one day and I thought it would be awesome if the stores were side by side and the name of it would be called.....DRUM ROLL PLEASE.....Beauty and the Bait. HAHA. :) Trent is great at pooping on some of my great ideas but he actually got a kick out of this one.
Well Ive been messing around with this blog and trying to get it out there to the people who would actually find it half ass helpful ALL DAY. So I'm going to go ahead and give my mind and hands a rest.
Sleep well all.
Wild and crazy sober thoughts, Rachel
Monday, April 30, 2012
Interview with a sober alcoholic. HA.
A BIG thank you to Trent who got to live out his Journalist dream for this post. I Love you.
Family/Friends/Acquaintances
How do you socialize with people whose lives still revolve around drinking?
-I wouldn't call it socializing AT ALL. I try to stay away from people who are drinking. Trent drinks a little here and there while at home, but he stays outside for the most part. Basically the further away from alcohol I am, the better. Ive been around drunk PEOPLE once so far and the worst part was the stinky breath. I had a great time just being crazy me but the drunker everyone got, the more distant I got.
Has your sobriety and new outlook effected people around you? If so how?
-I would say yes, both good and bad. Have I been such an awesome inspiration that other people have quit drinking? NO. But alot of people who support me have told me that I am an inspiration and that they are proud of me. As far as it negatively effecting people, I would say my positivity seems to annoy people. Misery loves company and boy was I amazing company for awhile. But that is something that is on THEM. Recovery is one of the most selfish things a person can do and is SUPPOSE TO BE. People need to understand that and GET OVER IT.
How have the people around you reacted to your sobriety?
-Some people don't believe that I can do it, or that the ONLY reason I got sober was because of probation, or doubt that I'm serious about STAYING sober after I get off probation. ALL very wrong. But for the most part everyone is VERY happy for me, and extremely proud. I went from being an absolute trainwreck to actually getting my life together. And I'm pretty sure the people who got to see me butt-naked running around or got sloppy drunk calls from me are OVER THE MOON excited. (Sorry Teah and Zeke :))
Have your relationships with friends and family gotten better? Have any gotten worse?
-For the most part YES. Ive started talking to alot of my family more than I use to, and have started making plans to go and see them. I always took their love for granted (friends && family) and knew that they would love me no matter what so I didn't think I HAD to be a role model or make any of them proud. Just being me was good enough for me so it HAD to be good enough for them too. I was wrong. Not only do I want and need their love, but also their RESPECT, which I never even cared about before. My relationship with my brother has somehow fallen apart. Before all I wanted was to satisfy him and MAKE him want to love me, I never thought he did. But now I'm trying to learn how to stand my ground and its led to not seeing him as much. He also lost alot of respect from me when he LAUGHED IN MY FACE, when I told him I was going to online AA meetings.
Are there any relationships you wish you could change that were altered by your alcohol use?
-YES. Me and one of my best friends had a terrible falling out. I was drunk and did something dumb and had I not been SO STUBBORN, I could have easily fixed it with an authentic apology. The thing that took me from June 2011 until March 2012 to realize is that just because you did something DRUNK, does not mean that you somehow get a pass. The things you say and do drunk still have repercussions and regardless if you remember them happening, they can still hurt other peoples feelings. Thinking you somehow get a pass has a horrible negative snowball effect that can lead to irreparable damage. To this friend, from the bottom of my heart I am sorry. You taught me a valuable lesson that I needed to learn and God only knows how much I wish I could have figured this out sooner. I love you gurl.
You
Whats the biggest difference you have seen in yourself?
-Ive covered this a million times in just about every post I have done so I will keep it short. I am the happiest I have been in my WHOLE LIFE. I'm healthier than I have ever been. I am positive. I feel blessed. I love like I have never loved. I am thankful. I see life different. The biggest difference I see In myself, IS MYSELF.
Whats the biggest difference OTHERS have seen in you?
-A spark. A twinkle in my eye. A smile.
What have you found that you enjoy now that you didn't before?
-EVERYTHING! I love to go fishing, write, play with my dog, make art, make jewelry, inspire other people to BE INSPIRED!
What are you doing now to better your life without the restriction that alcohol has had on you?
-I'm working out. I'm sleeping better. I'm eating better. I'm being active. Before my ass was in a seat somewhere drinking beer and the next day laying around eating tacos and nursing a hangover.
What makes you think that you can stay sober?
-Hope. Faith. Love. A life worth living.
Sober Life
How do you entertain yourself on the weekends that use to be filled with drinking and parties?
-Alot of activities. Fishing has been a big part of my weekends, its taught me alot of patience. Ive also started doing projects like fixing up my spare room, working on my turtle aquarium, and SHOPPING!
What do you do to unwind after a hard day, instead of drinking?
-I read. I also vent to Trent or blog about it. A little Xbox helps too. Ha Ha
Are there any things that have become more difficult for you?
-Not picking up other habits. Ive started drinking ALOT of Monster Energy drinks in place of beer which has been really bad on my health. Sleeping was really difficult at first and even now with always being on the river or lake I'm having a hard time with cravings! I just have to dive deeper into what I'm doing to try and get it off my mind. I also really miss being around old drinking buddies.
What do you look forward to doing with your new outlook on life?
-EVERYTHING! I want to travel and open a business. I want to go to college. Before I was so negative that the only thing I had to look forward to was drinking. I want to be an inspiration to people. I want to help people.
Whats your support system like?
-AMAZING. I have the most amazing fiance ever that has toughed everything out with me. I have 2 great dads that have helped me with everything from advice to lawyer costs to a new door! They are the best dads EVER. I have a great group of friends that stuck it out with me through the worst of the worst and have been encouraging me everyday! Teah, Jen, Zeke, && Deanna you guys are AWESOME! My cousins have been really awesome too!
This/That/The Other
You're only 3 months sober but you must have an accomplishment in that time that you're proud of?
-I think being 3 months sober is an AMAZING accomplishment in itself! Ive also lost 34 pounds and gained alot of self confidence. I look in the mirror everyday and there is a smile looking back at me and that is VERY new to me. Ive started doing things with my life and am trying to embark on new things!
Have the people you looked up to changed at all? If so, why?
-Oh hell yes! I was idolizing alot of the wrong people who seemed really great at the time but turned out to be real shit heads. My #1 person I look up to will ALWAYS be my mom! Ive also started to look up to the people looking back at me at AA.
Some people say they can get sober without AA, what is your take?
-I say to each their own. I started out going to online AA which was great, but when I started going to F2F meetings I really started seeing how helpful it is. To see the emotions in peoples eyes at how bad they want and need to be sober is just life changing. I struggled alot with online AA because there was always alot of 12 step talk and GOD talk, at the meetings I attend its not like that. I'm struggling with finding my HP still so to feel like I'm hanging around people in a building vs feeling like I'm at church really helps.
What can you tell someone that might help in their recovery?
-Don't let other people get in the way of YOU AND YOUR LIFE. Be selfish. Stay positive. It truly is "One Day at a Time".
What is something you would like to remind yourself of in another 3 months?
-You are a strong girl. You are beautiful inside and out. You have something that nobody else has, you are YOU, and you can do anything you put your heart, soul, and mind to.
One exhausted mind and many sober thoughts, Rachel
Family/Friends/Acquaintances
How do you socialize with people whose lives still revolve around drinking?
-I wouldn't call it socializing AT ALL. I try to stay away from people who are drinking. Trent drinks a little here and there while at home, but he stays outside for the most part. Basically the further away from alcohol I am, the better. Ive been around drunk PEOPLE once so far and the worst part was the stinky breath. I had a great time just being crazy me but the drunker everyone got, the more distant I got.
Has your sobriety and new outlook effected people around you? If so how?
-I would say yes, both good and bad. Have I been such an awesome inspiration that other people have quit drinking? NO. But alot of people who support me have told me that I am an inspiration and that they are proud of me. As far as it negatively effecting people, I would say my positivity seems to annoy people. Misery loves company and boy was I amazing company for awhile. But that is something that is on THEM. Recovery is one of the most selfish things a person can do and is SUPPOSE TO BE. People need to understand that and GET OVER IT.
How have the people around you reacted to your sobriety?
-Some people don't believe that I can do it, or that the ONLY reason I got sober was because of probation, or doubt that I'm serious about STAYING sober after I get off probation. ALL very wrong. But for the most part everyone is VERY happy for me, and extremely proud. I went from being an absolute trainwreck to actually getting my life together. And I'm pretty sure the people who got to see me butt-naked running around or got sloppy drunk calls from me are OVER THE MOON excited. (Sorry Teah and Zeke :))
Have your relationships with friends and family gotten better? Have any gotten worse?
-For the most part YES. Ive started talking to alot of my family more than I use to, and have started making plans to go and see them. I always took their love for granted (friends && family) and knew that they would love me no matter what so I didn't think I HAD to be a role model or make any of them proud. Just being me was good enough for me so it HAD to be good enough for them too. I was wrong. Not only do I want and need their love, but also their RESPECT, which I never even cared about before. My relationship with my brother has somehow fallen apart. Before all I wanted was to satisfy him and MAKE him want to love me, I never thought he did. But now I'm trying to learn how to stand my ground and its led to not seeing him as much. He also lost alot of respect from me when he LAUGHED IN MY FACE, when I told him I was going to online AA meetings.
Are there any relationships you wish you could change that were altered by your alcohol use?
-YES. Me and one of my best friends had a terrible falling out. I was drunk and did something dumb and had I not been SO STUBBORN, I could have easily fixed it with an authentic apology. The thing that took me from June 2011 until March 2012 to realize is that just because you did something DRUNK, does not mean that you somehow get a pass. The things you say and do drunk still have repercussions and regardless if you remember them happening, they can still hurt other peoples feelings. Thinking you somehow get a pass has a horrible negative snowball effect that can lead to irreparable damage. To this friend, from the bottom of my heart I am sorry. You taught me a valuable lesson that I needed to learn and God only knows how much I wish I could have figured this out sooner. I love you gurl.
You
Whats the biggest difference you have seen in yourself?
-Ive covered this a million times in just about every post I have done so I will keep it short. I am the happiest I have been in my WHOLE LIFE. I'm healthier than I have ever been. I am positive. I feel blessed. I love like I have never loved. I am thankful. I see life different. The biggest difference I see In myself, IS MYSELF.
Whats the biggest difference OTHERS have seen in you?
-A spark. A twinkle in my eye. A smile.
What have you found that you enjoy now that you didn't before?
-EVERYTHING! I love to go fishing, write, play with my dog, make art, make jewelry, inspire other people to BE INSPIRED!
What are you doing now to better your life without the restriction that alcohol has had on you?
-I'm working out. I'm sleeping better. I'm eating better. I'm being active. Before my ass was in a seat somewhere drinking beer and the next day laying around eating tacos and nursing a hangover.
What makes you think that you can stay sober?
-Hope. Faith. Love. A life worth living.
Sober Life
How do you entertain yourself on the weekends that use to be filled with drinking and parties?
-Alot of activities. Fishing has been a big part of my weekends, its taught me alot of patience. Ive also started doing projects like fixing up my spare room, working on my turtle aquarium, and SHOPPING!
What do you do to unwind after a hard day, instead of drinking?
-I read. I also vent to Trent or blog about it. A little Xbox helps too. Ha Ha
Are there any things that have become more difficult for you?
-Not picking up other habits. Ive started drinking ALOT of Monster Energy drinks in place of beer which has been really bad on my health. Sleeping was really difficult at first and even now with always being on the river or lake I'm having a hard time with cravings! I just have to dive deeper into what I'm doing to try and get it off my mind. I also really miss being around old drinking buddies.
What do you look forward to doing with your new outlook on life?
-EVERYTHING! I want to travel and open a business. I want to go to college. Before I was so negative that the only thing I had to look forward to was drinking. I want to be an inspiration to people. I want to help people.
Whats your support system like?
-AMAZING. I have the most amazing fiance ever that has toughed everything out with me. I have 2 great dads that have helped me with everything from advice to lawyer costs to a new door! They are the best dads EVER. I have a great group of friends that stuck it out with me through the worst of the worst and have been encouraging me everyday! Teah, Jen, Zeke, && Deanna you guys are AWESOME! My cousins have been really awesome too!
This/That/The Other
You're only 3 months sober but you must have an accomplishment in that time that you're proud of?
-I think being 3 months sober is an AMAZING accomplishment in itself! Ive also lost 34 pounds and gained alot of self confidence. I look in the mirror everyday and there is a smile looking back at me and that is VERY new to me. Ive started doing things with my life and am trying to embark on new things!
Have the people you looked up to changed at all? If so, why?
-Oh hell yes! I was idolizing alot of the wrong people who seemed really great at the time but turned out to be real shit heads. My #1 person I look up to will ALWAYS be my mom! Ive also started to look up to the people looking back at me at AA.
Some people say they can get sober without AA, what is your take?
-I say to each their own. I started out going to online AA which was great, but when I started going to F2F meetings I really started seeing how helpful it is. To see the emotions in peoples eyes at how bad they want and need to be sober is just life changing. I struggled alot with online AA because there was always alot of 12 step talk and GOD talk, at the meetings I attend its not like that. I'm struggling with finding my HP still so to feel like I'm hanging around people in a building vs feeling like I'm at church really helps.
What can you tell someone that might help in their recovery?
-Don't let other people get in the way of YOU AND YOUR LIFE. Be selfish. Stay positive. It truly is "One Day at a Time".
What is something you would like to remind yourself of in another 3 months?
-You are a strong girl. You are beautiful inside and out. You have something that nobody else has, you are YOU, and you can do anything you put your heart, soul, and mind to.
One exhausted mind and many sober thoughts, Rachel
Peeeeektures.
I should have just linked my Facebook to this post. It would have been alot easier to share these pictures than what I just went through.
SCREW GOOGLE +
ANYWAYS. I figured it would be more fun to post Pictures of what I have been up to than just babbling on and on. Of course I'm going to babble under the pictures anyway so it totally defeats the purpose, but this is my blog, so blah.
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This is beef jerky of the homemade variety. We cut up a roast and soaked the pieces
in Worcestershire sauce, steak marinade, and liquid smoke overnight.
It is now in the dehydrator getting nice and delicious for my belly. :)
This is my handsome Fiance Trent drawing me
this awesome picture for my 3 months of being sober!
<3<3<3
This is Twinkers and Tiny Tim chilling on their rocks we got from
Twin Buttes.
We are the worst turtle parents ever. This is the new basking light they got.
We have had Tim for years now and this is the first basking light
we have ever had. Sorry guys :( The aquarium is also new. They had a much smaller
one and after 2 days in this one they already seem much happier!
This is how the better part of Friday was spent. LAZY BOYS!!
While fishing this little guy decided I was his new best friend.
I shall return sometime for a real update, but now its time to enjoy some Jerky!
Pretty pictures and sober thoughts, Rachel
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