Well today is Saturday...well technically Sunday now. It was an awesome day. Trent and I went shopping for Mother's day stuff for his mom and grocery shopping, then made and eated some delicious dinner. Doesn't sound to spectacular on paper (or screen) but just spending the whole day with him uninterrupted and laughing like crazy was by my definition; awesome. We are just hanging out in the living room playing our own games now so I figured why not do a quick posty post. That's my new motto by the way. WHY NOT, instead of WHY. Want to go for a walk? WHY NOT. Want to color pictures of rainbows and unicorns? WHY NOT. Ha ha. Anyhow. Back to my update. Everything is going good. It will go alot better after this next week is over for sure. I finally got ahold of the people for the DWI class... yeah I know, it took a gazillion years. The horrifying news is that its Monday, Thursday, and Friday from 6-10pm. UGHHH. Trent works 6am-8pm just about every weekday and until after 12 on Saturdays, so this is just horse shit. I will get to see him a total of 1 & 1/2 flipping days this coming week. Did I mention UGGGHHHHHHHH. I'm glad to be getting it over with though, especially since it took them over a month to get back to me. By July 13th the only thing I will have to do as far as my probation goes is pay 'em && STAY SOBER, which has so far been pretty easy. OH and pee pee in a cup and blow tubes. :)
I go to my next counseling session this Thursday and I'm actually pretty excited. May is a really depressing month for me with Mothers day being tomorrow and my moms birthday being the 25th. I never really dealt with her death. I pretty much just drank myself to the point of tears and passing out (aka numb) whenever I thought about her or such occasions like today would roll around. In fact its the way Ive dealt with every other grievance in my life. It would be nice to have some kind of direction or advice of some sorts with managing it better. I'm pretty sure bursting into tears in Hobby Lobby is on some kind of No-No list. I really wish I could figure out a way to celebrate things like this to include her, if that doesn't sound too crazy. Ive tried to have family over and it just went terribly bad. I don't know, Ill figure it out soon enough. I don't want to overload my poor little brain and burn out what good brain cells I have left on dealing with the 'tomorrows'. I'm thinking about her and God only knows how much I fucking love her so that's all that really matters.
Onto things that don't make water fall out of my face, Ive started a new mission. I'm trying to declutter and organize my house. This shall include getting rid of clothes that are now too big for me. Its hard. I'm not so much a pack rat, as into restoration, so an old t-shirt to me is just a pillow waiting to be constructed. Same with knick knacks. Mog Podge turns ugly shit into a clump of cool shit on a picture frame in like 24 hours. So far Ive gotten 2 small storage containers. They are still sitting on the living room floor but in the next week they will contain makeup and nail polish. Its just like me to start with something that ISN'T an eyesore. Screw the stink bait, mog podge, action-packed attack dinosaur, perfume, sandwich bags, Windex wipes, Xbox adapter box, etc....that's stacked up on my kitchen island. Ha ha. I already know this is going to be exhausting as hell but it NEEDS to get done. No matter how much I clean it ends up a disaster in 2 hours because absolutely nothing has its own place anymore. We have a drawer designated for silverware, every other drawer in our house is a junk drawer. NO JOKE.
This post is a hot mess. Never again will I post with a migraine at 3am.
Jumbled brain farts and sober thoughts, Rachel
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